Just Thinking

  I have felt the need to blog recently by an amazing friend who has kept her blog up to date and whom I had recently reunited with after a few years recently. Also, because if I'm going to have a blog, I most certainly need to post something more frequently and meaningful. So here it goes:
 
  This past year has had its ups and downs, but it has also been a year where I have become more aware of what I want to become and also things I need to change to become a better person or to see more rays of sunshine on a rainy day. This past year I have experienced the "not so fun" part of high school. I have stressed beyond belief because I have been worried what people will think of me. WHY? Sometimes when I'm attempting to go to sleep I think about why I wake up earlier than I need to just to appeal to so many people  who really don't care. I'm not saying I should go to school in my pajamas or looking like a slob, I'm saying that I need to accept myself for my flaws and differences from other people. I shouldn't feel like I have to look like the "super beautiful popular girl" who seems to have the "picture perfect" life. I have been my own bully by upsetting myself for not looking like those girls, acting like them, or being ...them.
 
 Everyone has their own comfort items. Don't deny it, I know you do. Mine would or used to be the following:
Make-up
Jacket
Straightner
Contacts
May sound silly to some, or some may say, "Hey, those are some of mine!"
WHY?
 
  Make-up: "Everyone" is wearing it or so it seems. Girls my age have been surrounded by pictures, commercials, magazines, billboards, and many more saying that if you have this mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow,..etc you will truly be beautiful, stunning, jaw dropping hot, or everyone will want to be your friend. So, being surrounded by these images and people in school I have felt I need to wear make-up to look pretty.
 
  Jacket: I still up to this day feel more comfortable covering myself and my clothing up with a jacket. Even if it is 90 degrees outside with 70% humidity there are times when I will wear a jacket. Silly, right? I know I am not large or also harshly said as fat. But, there are times when I look and see those stick-like girls and feel like since I am not that skinny I'm not good enough or pretty enough for other people. Again, I KNOW I am not large by any means. Another reason why is because sometimes when I feel like my clothes aren't "in-style" or as "good-looking" as those other girls I feel like I should cover it up so people will not have to see my clothes or so I don't feel ashamed by them.
 
  Straightner: You may wonder why in the world would I want to straighten my "pretty" curly hair. Or maybe you've noticed a trend. My hair can be a pain in the rear end to deal with sometimes, everyone has those days. I guess to me it seemed like I had the worst hair in the world because no matter the products I put in my hair or the damage I have done to it with a straightner or a blow dryer, it would never stay pin straight all day like some girls I know. Or it never looked "perfect" all day everyday. like...some girls I see around.
 
  Contacts: Also a weird one. I am legally blind, I have to wear contacts or glasses to be able to do anything productive in a day. So, why would that be a comfort item? I think I look terrible in glasses, I feel I can't "pull them off" like some people. If I were to run out of contacts and had to wear my glasses to school, I would feel like the stereotypical "nerd" or just weird looking.

  Now, this is the part where I tell you things get better! This summer I challenged myself to put down the straightner and quit spending forever on make-up, and just learn how to "live" as my true and natural self.
Yes, I still wear the occasional mascara and foundation, but I do not give myself "racoon eyes" with the dark eyeshadow or eyeliner. And I did give in one day to straighten my hair, and I was displeased with myself for giving in. Now, I look at pictures throughout the school year with all the make-up on and I don't think I look pretty. And I have talked to some people about it and they say, "You look pretty with make-up on!" Sorry, to disappoint you but, I like how I look this way! This school year I can sleep in the extra 20 minutes (which does make a difference, sleep wise). When I spend the night at friends, I don't have to worry about what I look like the next day, or if I packed this hair product or make-up.

  Yes, I am different from you and from everyone else in this world.I've known this for a long time, and I'm sure you have too. So, if everyone is told this and they "know it" why is the majority of the world still trying to be someone else, why are there people who bully people by how they look, why do people make a big deal about what people think, when years after graduating will not remember the clothes you wore on Monday, but will remember you by how you acted. I want different things, I think differently, I have talents, I have flaws. But, do I want people to remember me as the girl who tried so hard to be like me? The answer is no. I want people to remember me as the nice, smiley, happy girl. Maybe to you I am not like that. So, the other challenge I've given myself is to appear as happy, smiley, and nice as can be. This is because there are things you can say that could change someone's life, you could be their "bully", you could have offended someone or given them the impression that they do not matter. And I know for a fact, that I do not want anyone no matter how they act or look like to feel like they do not belong, are ugly, not loved, etc because of something I have said or done to them. No matter the things they have done, NOBODY deserves to feel like that, because I've had times when I've felt like I don't matter or are ugly and I do not like feeling like that.
I have said mean things, judged, and act rudely to people and if I have ever made you upset by these things I am truly sorry. And I know even if I say I'm sorry it will not take away the things I have done or the feelings I have upset. I know they will still linger in the back of your mind.

  This post may have seemed like it was poorly explained, or just seemed like random thoughts, remember the title and maybe it will help. I want to challenge you that if you have managed to read this long post to try to see the beauty of yourself. To "dare to be different." BE YOU! That is what really matters! If people can't accept you for the real you, then maybe they don't deserve the time and stress you take trying to be "perfect."

--Yours truly,
Jessica

Update

Sorry for the inconvenience of not posting anything in awhile. As my freshman year in High School I have accomplished many things. In the fall I had Marching Band, and I was given a Mellophone quintet that I played with a Trombone, two Trumpets, and a Sousa (Tuba). I also was given the opportunity to audition for District Band. I have had better auditions, but I was given a good spot as 2nd chair concert. For a freshman that's pretty good! Even though I made second chair concert I was still able to audition for All-State band. I practiced and practiced just to be let down days before when I found out I was forgotten to be put on the list of people who were going. Since I was not able to go to All-State I was able to attend Rolla's Christmas parade which was also very fun. Also during the fall I played RASYL Soccer with my dad as the coach. I wasn't able to go to many of the games due to Marching Competitions, but I still enjoyed playing. I am currently in the Rolla Wind Ensemble (community band) and we have a concert coming up March, so I'm excited for that! As far as our High School Symphonic Band (which I made 1st chair in for the second year in a row) we are preparing for our Concert contest. (Not quite sure what it is called) Which Is also coming up in March. Back to sports I am contemplating the High School Girls Soccer Team or Track. Track I could very easily make a spot on Varsity while in soccer I have the best chance of getting subbing JV or starting JV since I haven't had as much experience as most of the girls trying out. So I will hopefully post about how that goes at a later date. Once again sorry for not posting anything for awhile, and I hope you enjoyed the update!
Marching Band ^
District Honor Band and Concert Band finalists^
Wind Ensemble^
Christmas Parade^
Symphonic Band Christmas Concert^Fall Soccer 2011

Byron Grant Fox

Happy Birthday Byron Grant Fox, although you have passed away I would like to wish you a happy birthday so here is a letter to you.

Dear Byron,
It wasn't too long ago I was at your funeral with my mom. I remember walking in looking at all the pictures of you afraid to look at your body in the casket. But I did come up and noticed a hammer on top of your casket, I didn't completely know why it was there so I asked my mom quietly why there was a hammer there. She replied to me something along the lines of Jesus and you I wasn't necessarily paying attention because this wave of emotion came over me and my eyes started to swell with tears. I held them in blinking constantly until I looked over where my friend Brooklyn and Marianne and just fell apart. Which caused Marianne to cry because she felt bad that I was crying and we just cried together. I would like to let you know that I am very glad I met your daughter Marianne, she is the best of best friends I could ever have though sometimes I feel I annoy her sometimes with my persistence. I would also like to let you know that I haven't been to many funeral services and I have never been so connected to a person and actually cried. In fact I don't like crying in front people but I just couldn't stop it.
I don't know if you've read the letters Marianne, Brooklyn, and I wrote (Marianne put them in there) and I'm not entirely sure what I wrote on the letter, but I hope you saw them wherever you may be. Your service was beautiful, although I couldn't really listen to most of it because when Emma came up to the stand and gave her thoughts she started to cry and I remember this sound coming from the back of my throat and I just covered my face and bawled, it took me awhile to realise the noise I heard was mine.
I'm not writing this because I feel bad for your family, this has come straight from me (or straight from the heart). And I do miss you.
Yours truly,
Jessica Schuck

Eighth Grade

I would have to say that I did not expect all these happenings to be happening my 8th grade year. Some of you may know I am in the Rolla High School Band a year early, meaning I am known as The Super Freshman; I got to be a part of the Marching Band's movement 'Mirage' which was a lot of fun. I enjoy my veteran mellophone... reason for it's name is well, it has some battle scars on it... Sadly marching season ended and then started up symphonic and concert band, I could have also gone back to my little eighth graders and played with them, but I decided not to, which I believe was a good choice. I am now 1st chair symphonic band as an 8th grader, I beat 3 seniors, 2 sophomores, and a freshman who have all played more than I have because I have only played for more than little over a year. This also lead up to being asked to be in the college Orchestra. And soon I'll be starting up in the city band. Who would have thought when Mr. John Slowensky (My favorite and best band director EVER) told me I couldn't try out for percussion and go for French horn instead could have gotten me to where I am now? I didn't exactly know what the French horn was back as a little 6th grader either, but if I decided against Mr. Slow and went for percussion, I don't think I'd be were I am today. And for that I am very much thankful, so thank you Mr. Slow, one of these days I'll get to draw that smiley face on your bald spot you promised me in 7th grade!

Marching Band

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My first Football game!

I'm right here^ The Second Band Competition in Ozarko



My first Band Competition^-right before we went down to perform

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During one of the Thursday night practices

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Band Camp- this picture was submitted in the newspaper

Awhile ago back in 7th grade I was asked to be in the Rolla High School Marching Bulldog Brigade (or the marching band for short). Marching band is over now and I am in the symphonic band! First chair too! I've only been playing the French horn a year now and I am very glad that the day I went to see what instrument I wanted to play in 6th grade Mr. Slow (Slowensky) told me that I could not try out for percussion when I asked and instead said to play French horn. I wasn't happy at the time but now I'm really grateful that I listened to him! Here are some pictures of my first year in Marching band!

Braces Be Gone!

No more braces YAY!!!!! I can eat any food I want now ..... well I did anyway with braces but now well ..... I don't know but anyway I got my braces off YAY!!!!!! pictures below::

Nothing Else I Can Say (Lady Gaga) Recording

http://www.singsnap.com/snap/r/a36088718

I heard this song the other day (I've only heard it once) and so I decided to record myself singing it on a website my mom records songs to.... the people in the backround are kinda loud sorry .. lol.

I got a haircut a lonnnngggg time ago

Hey people i know i haven't posted in a lonnngggg time but i got a haircut if you didn't know like a month or two ago and it was about even with my earlobe it was really cute! But, now it's like to my shoulders! My hair grows really fast..... I just checked i got my haircut exactly 2 months ago sooo about March 29 sometime around there...... just wanted to update you on my haircut.... haha well school's out too and i miss my girlies!! Camp in West Plains (Girls Camp0 and New Mexico (Philmont) are coming up along with the possibility of getting my braces off on June 15!!!! excitement!!!!!!!!!!!!!